some old brown eyes

that's right bitches.

waterdowndreams@yahoo.com — Mon, 29 Dec 2003 00:27:40 GMT

james and i know how to rock it up north.

correction: we all know how to rock it up here.

right back where we started from.

waterdowndreams@yahoo.com — Sat, 29 Mar 2003 04:19:00 GMT

california here we i come. nothings gonna stop us me now. i love how the piano sounds in that song. sounds so good in my new jeep. surprise. yea i was. good things just kept happening one by one tonite. but in the end all that luck that had been comin your way the whole day suddenly just side swipes you so that it all comes crashing down. and in the end you wind up going to be over thinking every little things you did wrong from the start and try to pint point where excatly your thought process suddenly changed from how you thought for five straight years to completly pulling some new type of thinking out of my ass. so i wind up going to bed feeling like shit. just how i feel every morning when i wake up to a new day. cool.here's to another night of regretful over thinking.

waterdowndreams@yahoo.com — Thu, 27 Mar 2003 02:45:42 GMT

hello old friend it's been awhile how you've been? all things must end but did you know what that meant? the birds fly south. the summer sets. the lights go out. bees on the ground. autumn walker. just walked out. and i see it now that it's so much easier and you don't have to worry about me. it's all good. it's all wrong. and i hope you find the place and the people that you need i don't be the one who always waits for you to wait to see what makes you run? was it me? or anyone? it goes to show when people grow. people go. and there you go. autumn walker. stay down .autumn walker. drink down your doubt a glass half empty can empty you out. my heart is full of promises that drank me whole. and i see it now that so much easier alone but you don't have to go that far cause wherever you go there you are. and it shouldn't be so hard to see your friends, that's who they are i don't mean to tell you how to run your life but make up your heart. you go too far in the atmosphere you fall apart for miles that my car's got on it that's pretty far.

waterdowndreams@yahoo.com — Mon, 24 Mar 2003 20:29:07 GMT

in·de·pen·dent

1. Free from the influence, guidance, or control of another or others; self-reliant
2. Not determined or influenced by someone or something else; not contingent
3. Not relying on others for support, care, or funds; self-supporting.
4.Not subject to bias or influence; not obsequious; self-directing; as, a man of an independent mind.
5.Expressing or indicating the feeling of independence; free; easy; bold; unconstrained; as, an independent air or manner.
6.Separate from; exclusive; irrespective.

i don't need two faced friends. i guess the truth comes out sooner or later. and in this case just later for me to realize or you to show how you really are and feel about me. have it your way.because i'm done being treated like shit.

waterdowndreams@yahoo.com — Wed, 19 Mar 2003 17:13:09 GMT

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
01 | death.
02 | sharks.
03 | at nite when the car behind me flases its brights on and off.
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH:
01 | jenny.
02 | candice.
03 | LB.
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I LOVE:
01 | florida./house.
02 | no obligations.
03 | summer./fall.
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I HATE:
01 | hearing people are worried about me.
02 | hearing "your so skinny."
03 | anixety.
-----------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND:
01 | math.
02 | why i can't move out.
03 | how things change so fast.
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS ON MY DESK:
01 | i don't own a desk.
02 | negative.
03 | naw.
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW:
01 | sitting in red pod c100.
02 | not doing my math quiz.
03 | typing.
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
01 | sky dive.
02 | start my own practice./psychology.
03 | be truly 'happy.'
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I CAN DO:
01 | host at jennifer's cafe.
02 | listen.
03 | procrastinate.like whoa.
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:
01 | weird.
02 | stuborned.
03 | unsure.
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I CAN'T DO:
01 | spell.
02 | draaaaw.
03 | drive a stick shift.
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO:
01 | wilco.
02 | bright eyes.
03 | sigar rois.
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO EVER:
01 | any r&b.
02 | those religious channels on t.v.
03 | infomershals.
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST:
01 | thats ok. [little mexican voice.]
02 | i hate school.
03 | i'm tired.
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE OF YOUR ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FOODS:
01 | cereal.
02 | rice.
03 | strawberrys.
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO LEARN:
01 | how to become not indecisive.
02 | why i can't maintain a relationship.
03 | why i'm so dumb in math.
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE BEVERAGES YOU DRINK REGULARLY:
01 | water.
02 | grape juice.
03 | juice.
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE SHOWS YOU WATCHED WHEN YOU WERE A KID:
01 | scooby doo.
02 | saved by the bell.
03 | clarissa that explains it all.
------------------------------------------------------------
RANDOM QUESTIONS..
1. Spell your name backwards? itelib eiram ahtnamas
2. How did you get your live jounal name? i was joking around with names and this one actually worked./no one had it.
3. Are you homosexual? negative.
------------------------------------------------------------
DESCRIBE YOUR..
[ x ] Wallet - roxy. orange, brown, yellow, black.
[ x ] Hairbrush - negative.
[ x ] Toothbrush - bright green.
[ x ] Jewelry worn daily - necklace, six rings, four braclets.
[ x ] Pillow cover - there are too many.
[ x ] Blanket - down comforter, quilt, two little blankets.
[ x ] Coffee cup - whatever is in the cubord.
[ x ] Sunglasses - negative.
[ x ] Underwear - victoria secret.
[ x ] Favorite shirt - colmen comets.
[ x ] Cologne/Perfume - ralph lauren./abercrombie.
[ x ] CD in stereo right now - sigar rois.wilco.bright eyes. ben folds.
[ x ] Tattoos - can't til i'm eighteen.
[ x ] Piercings - negative.
[ x ] What you are wearing now - etnies,jeans, white belt,urban outfitters t-shirt,grey abercrombie zip up, white tank top.
[ x ] In my mouth - fruit snack.
[ x ] In my head - still another hour and a half to go in hell.
[ x ] Wishing - i was home sleeping./didn't have to work tonite.
[ x ] After this - english class.
[ x ] Fetishes - i don't know.
[ x ] If you could get away with it and murder anyone,who and for what reason? - i don't think i would.
[ x ] Person you wish you could see right now - melnessss.
[ x ] Is next to you - to my right, jill. to my left, jenny.
[ x ] Some of your favorite movies - igby goes down, dirty dancing, american beauty, almost famous, little mermaid.
[ x ] Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming month - florida for twelve days./being far away from the mitten.
[ x ] The last thing you ate - hi-c fruit snack.
[ x ] Something that you are deathly afraid of - death.
[ x ] Do you like candles - sure.
[ x ] Do you like incense - not really.
[ x ] Do you like the taste of blood - negative.
[ x ] Do you believe in love - not really. maybe when i'm proven wrong.
[ x ] Do you believe in soul mates - not sure.
[ x ] Do you believe in love at first sight - negative.
[ x ] Do you believe in Heaven - negative.
[ x ] Do you believe in God - negative.
[ x ] What do you want done with your body when you die - i don't want to die. but not barried in the ground.
[ x ] If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be - cat./bird.
[ x ] What is the latest you've ever stayed up - probably twenty four hours maybe longer.
[ x ] Can you eat with chopsticks - negative.
[ x ] What's your favorite coin - quarter.
[ x ] What are some of your favorite candies -skittles.
[ x ] What's something that you wish people would understand - i'm really indecisive. and that yes i'm skinny but there are reasons behind it. but not the reasons you think. not aneroix.
[ x ] What's something you wish you could understand better - process of letting go./not letting past effect present.
[ x ] Who is someone that you really wish was still around - 'trio.'

maybe this is just what i need.

waterdowndreams@yahoo.com — Sun, 09 Mar 2003 07:41:57 GMT

what i wouldn't give to be able to live somewhere else. just pack up all my shit and fucking leave. not look back because i can't fucking stand it here anymore. no regrets. just a new start. clean slate. someone looking for me. and me not always pushing away. or changing. too much has changed this year. i can't stand to watch all this go down anymore. i'm sick of people being worried about me. don't be. i'm sick of hearing it. i'm fine. but on the other hand if i stay here that much longer going how things are going i'm going to blow up one random day and not even care. my mind changed so much i can't even trust it. my mind changed me so much i can't even trust myself.

answer this or else.

waterdowndreams@yahoo.com — Wed, 05 Mar 2003 18:00:14 GMT

1. When did we meet?
2. How did we meet?
3. Have we ever met in person?
4. have we ever talked on thee phone?
5. Have you ever seen me cry?
6. Have you ever seen me dance?
7. Describe me using three or less words.
8. If you could spend a day with me, what would we do?
9. Have we ever gotten in a fight?
10. Have you ever dreamt of me? If so, tell me about it.
11. If you could give me a present, what would it be?
12. Would you hug me?
13. What do you REALLY think of me?
14. Do you know something about me that no one else knows?
15. Do you even know how old I am?
16. Anything you wanted to tell me but never got a chance to?
17. Wanna makeout?
18. Who should i go on dates with?
19. Name one thing you don't like about me.
20. FREESPACE..WOOOOO:

i want to go back. now.

waterdowndreams@yahoo.com — Mon, 03 Mar 2003 01:26:30 GMT

only forty-six days til i leave again.

the sunshine state.

waterdowndreams@yahoo.com — Wed, 26 Feb 2003 03:22:53 GMT

when i'm down here all i can think of is, why do i live in michigan. after that thought leaves my head the next that always seems to come is the thought of how much i do not want to have to step foot on a plane that is just going to take me back to the place i couldn't wait to get away from. and when i do get back i'm right back into the routine that all i could think about was getting away from it. so i really need a reason or some form of motivation to come back 'home' because right now there is nothing that makes me want to leave where i am right now.

five days.

waterdowndreams@yahoo.com — Mon, 17 Feb 2003 03:17:03 GMT

i'm a cat person.

let me do the right thing, let me do the wrong thing.

waterdowndreams@yahoo.com — Mon, 10 Feb 2003 03:43:33 GMT

if it's ever this clear. let me say it once.just let me turn the amps way up. so you can hear noth ing. never is all. let me run around. if it's a different time and a different place to be.

only eleven days. i have a feeling this is going to be a long week just because i want it to be over with already and it hasnt even started. i just want it to be the twenty-first. and i want to be on my way to the air port. i can not wait to get out of here. and i can not wait to be in a different place and different weather. and to not have to do anything i don't want to. only eleven days.

[and i couldn't be happier about who is coming with me.]

sixteen days.

waterdowndreams@yahoo.com — Wed, 05 Feb 2003 03:45:10 GMT

And the truth is I’ve been dreaming of some tired tranquil place where the weather won’t get trapped inside my bones.

For every speck of tile there's a thousand more.

waterdowndreams@yahoo.com — Wed, 29 Jan 2003 03:20:51 GMT

i don't know what it was about leaving work from the back door with lauren and us both noticing as we brushed the snow off my car that we really liked the warm snow that had and was still falling. and i don't know what it was about my drive home that i enjoyed so much more then the nite before of driving home and that i will like more then driving home thursday nite or any other nite i work. but there was something. and i liked it. and now i'm tired. and i could really sit outside for hours on end tonite.number eight.

waterdowndreams@yahoo.com — Sun, 26 Jan 2003 10:22:13 GMT

i want the bare feet of summer, or, the sweatshirt of fall.

waterdowndreams@yahoo.com — Tue, 21 Jan 2003 03:30:01 GMT

she doesn't have to say it to my face for me to know. i don't know if over hearing it on the phone was any better. it would've been better left unsaid. but the truth hurts. and i am hurt. it is a kick in the ass you could say to find out what your mom really thinks of you. and what's worse is she doesn't even know half of who i am. she only knows what i tell her and what i want her to know. but i no longer want to know what she thinks of me. when she told me that she knew me and my sister were nothing alike i didn't know she wished i was more like her. but i'm not. and i don't want to be. all i am to her is an unstable daughter that she can't leave home by herself for too long. well fuck that. and this is why i wont let anyone get close to me. i don't need to feel hurt. i don't need anyone to be close to me either. because all i get left with is disappointment. that is all i set myself up for everytime. 'my fever burns deeper then i've ever shown.'

waterdowndreams@yahoo.com — Thu, 16 Jan 2003 03:27:18 GMT

so sick so sick of being tired and oh so tired of being sick.

waterdowndreams@yahoo.com — Sun, 05 Jan 2003 05:26:51 GMT

it just felt too wrong to delete this. even though i never write in mine i still check it just because it is rouine from last year. and because of last year is why i wanted to not have this. oh well even though im not going to want to remember i still will in the back of my mind. i want it gone but it just wont leave. and it's messing up what i could be missing out on again. and that's not fair. you moved. i should to. i feel like i'm writing to chelsea. so i shouldnt be saying half of what i am on this, but i am. whatever. i don't want to feel like my two best friends[lauren and candice] are going to be going off and doing other things with other people while i just go to work then go home because they have other people they would rather be spending there time with but they feel bad because they can tell i have been by myself too much. i am fine. i am always fine. i dont need pity company. i dont need phone calls back acting like you really do want to do something but you already got that so really it works out for a good excuse. i really didnt realize until wednesday of this past week on how much i would love to live somewhere else and start completly new. not no anyone and like that i dont. start an new so i dont have to get use to all these changes i cant stop from happening. but always talk about 'hey remember the time..' get out of the past. you[i] can not go back. i really just want to sleep. i need to just hear that cd that i was thinking and writing about earlier to be playing and putting me to sleep. with the fan on my face and my eyes slowly getting heavier and heavierr. i think i look forward to sleep a little too much. aw well. shit happens.

waterdowndreams@yahoo.com — Sun, 08 Dec 2002 04:44:47 GMT

awh. i just keep thinking about how cute he is. i have a little mental picture. now i have a few things cut out for me. one. don't be a shy bastard. two. get this kid to hang out with me. becauuuuuuse. i want to hang out with him. and break him out of his shyness. woo woooo.

waterdowndreams@yahoo.com — Mon, 02 Dec 2002 05:13:58 GMT

i wonder how far i could get on a full tank of gas.

i'll wait by the backstage door.

waterdowndreams@yahoo.com — Tue, 26 Nov 2002 04:36:44 GMT

so for the time being, i'm being patient. and amidst this bitterness. if you'll just consider this-even if it don't make sense. all the time-give it time.

i miss it all.

waterdowndreams@yahoo.com — Sat, 23 Nov 2002 05:22:02 GMT

note to self: don't do that again. not one of your brighter ideas. i felt like i was never going to get home. not to mention some crazy thoughts while trying to drive. key word trying.

waterdowndreams@yahoo.com — Wed, 13 Nov 2002 04:59:33 GMT

woah. what is with me writing twice in one day. i feel like last year all over again. i use to write in this so much. it was crazy. but so much has changed since last year i can't even keep up with myself anymore. i open my journal this afternoon the one i actually write in. i hadnt written since september and just re reading my last entry i couldnt even count how much has changed in just less then two months. but some good things have happened recently. i've been talking to j man more and i'm happy about that. i had missed talking with him. decided to stop being a bia to an old friend and for once my randomness worked out for the better. and that made me feel good. i had missed that a lot too. i've been keeping a lot to myself latley and i don't know why. but after tonite i know it is better. i think i know the people that i want to tell certain personal things to. and sometimes i just feel fucking stupid. and i can't help it. but i don't want it to be weird. because really it wasnt a big thing to begin with. so it shouldnt be a big thing now that i said something. sure i will feel like a jackass all tomorrow but then i will be over it and hopefully not even think about it. and i hope you wont either. because i really like our friendship a lot more. and dont want to mess that up. because that means a lot more to me then a stupid little crush i thought i had. that i don't. i think i just need something new. i need to start breaking old habits and just start doing things for me. i know it isnt good to keep things to myself but really i cant handle people knowning. personal things are ment to be kept to ones self. and that is how i do things from now on. im proud of myself for doing my math work and caring enough to get that grade up. it is really weird for me to hear people compliment me. i dont know how to re act to it. i guess im just not use to people thinking things like that about me. or hearing them i guess. so it was a nice thing to hear tonite. ive been having trouble sleeping latley and i dont know why. but i love sleep. i should be asleep right now. but i dont see me sleeping any time soon. i miss anthony. but i do love that he says goodnite to me every nite. and that he is the only one that calls me samantha. this year just isnt turning out how i thought it would at all.

waterdowndreams@yahoo.com — Mon, 04 Nov 2002 05:32:22 GMT

that was the best way to end the weekend and start this week. oh man.

i want to be just like lauren when i grow up.

waterdowndreams@yahoo.com — Fri, 25 Oct 2002 20:15:30 GMT

the fact that you think the reason we aren't talking anymore is just because of lauren is ridiculous. that has nothing to do with it. but i guess you just don't get it. and probably never will. i am sick of having live journal fights. so how about you keep me out of yours. thanks.

i just can't listen to any other song.

waterdowndreams@yahoo.com — Thu, 24 Oct 2002 02:52:05 GMT

i love the quatro.